


Michael has seen better days, to be honest...

by mylongestoof



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alexa - Freeform, Angst, Crying, Everyone is mentioned, Gay Michael Mell, Hey, M/M, Post-Squip, Rip my life, Suicidal Thoughts, This is Bad, also i hc that michael uses medical marijuana, everyone is a penis to michael, i added major character death because idk if i want to continue this, i also hc that michael and christine are on the spectrum, i don't make the rules, i had to add 'squipped' to dictionary, i just need to write tbh, if i do then michaels not dead, if i dont then he totally is, jeremy acts homophobic, jeremy is major dickwad, no happy ending, no one is friends with michael and i hate it, only nice person is christine, play despacito, rich is not even nice, the gang is here, things are bad for our boi michael, this is so sad, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 03:39:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16360031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylongestoof/pseuds/mylongestoof
Summary: Michael would love to imagine a future where everything got better when they defeated the SQUIP. Everyone would be happy, Michael would get Jeremy back, and he wouldn’t be the loser that everyone hated. Finally, life would be great, and Michael would find a reason to continue. But that was not how it went. At least, not for him.





	Michael has seen better days, to be honest...

**Author's Note:**

> hey  
> suicide warning  
> or maybe attempted suicide  
> idk yet
> 
> also, please don't kill yourself  
> i'd be sad, and i don't even know you personally  
> imagine your friends/family/people who lowkey like you  
> and how they would feel  
> you are great, and you are original  
> don't ever believe that you should change  
> receive my internet hugs and feel them feelings, boi

Michael would love to imagine a future where everything got better when they defeated the SQUIP. Everyone would be happy, Michael would get Jeremy back, and he wouldn’t be the loser that everyone hated. Finally, life would be great, and Michael would find a reason to continue. But that was not how it went. At least, not for him.

 

After everything that Michael did for them, it just went back to how it was when everyone was squipped. Michael was alone, and they were not. They got to have friends, have relationships, go to parties, and everyone treated them with pity because “they all went through traumatic things this year.” They barely noticed Michael.  _ Jeremy  _ barely noticed Michael.

 

He only spoke to him at the hospital. Sure, he apologized, and said he would never leave him, but he lied. As soon as he left that hospital, Michael was back where he started. Sitting in his basement, not even touching the weed he was medically supposed to smoke, and doing nothing. Michael could not find a reason to do anything, and it made him mad. Why did Jeremy have to be the center of his universe? Why couldn’t he do anything on his own? Why couldn’t he just let it go? Michael just wanted it to go away. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

 

Michael knew he was madly in love with Jeremy. He has known that since he was in seventh grade. It worried him that even after he abandoned him again, he couldn’t not fall out of love. He saw everything good in Jeremy, and tried to believe that he was the most amazing human to grace this Earth. It was a big problem, for sure.

 

At school, things were different. Michael always went in the bathroom for lunch. He always wore his headphones. He could barely pay attention in class, and had bad grades. He wasn’t as good as he used to be, and teachers noticed that. So, of course they told his parents.

 

“Michael.” His mother, Karla, said, “We just had a talk with one of your teachers.”

 

Michael nodded, and caught a look at himself in a reflective surface. He looked horrible, “Okay…”

 

“You aren’t doing to good in school, bud. Anything you want to talk about?” She asked.

 

Michael shook his head, “No. Just a boring month, that’s all.”

 

His mother did not believe that for a second, “Okay.” She walked away.

 

The only time Michael sat in the lunchroom was the first and last time he decided to do something in a public space ever again. He sat in the table that he used to sit at with Jeremy, and ate his lunch. His muscles were sore and stiff from not smoking, and his arms were in pain. Michael gave up on eating food, and instead decided to lay his head down and listen to the conversations from students around him. He heard the usual basic girl talk, and the stereotype for men talk. The worse thing was from a certain group, though, who made it painfully clear that they did not like Michael that much.

 

They must have noticed him listening to people (how someone could do that, Michael knew not), and spoke loud enough for multiple tables to hear.

 

“Hey, it’s stoner kid.” It started, a lispy voice. Michael recognized it as Richard Goranski. Michael remembered saving his life, but that didn’t seem to matter. Yes, he was being a little salty about it.

 

“Dude, I heard he was a fag.”

 

Michael died inside, yet again, when he heard that, but he kept his head down.

 

“Oh, definitely. I know from personal experience. He’s a fairy.”

 

Michael knew who it was. He could recognize his voice from anywhere. Michael finally lifted his head, and decided to go back to his normal place in the bathroom.

 

“Look, the fucking loser has gotten up!”

 

Michael had enough of this shit. He was so done, that he was willing to fucking fight Rich, or Jake, or, hell, even Jeremy.

 

“Thanks for noticing! Any other ‘life changing’ revelations would you like to reveal to me?!” Michael yelled.

 

Rich scoffed, “Whatever, faggot.”

 

Michael got red in the face, which was slightly masked by his dark complection. He opened his mouth to say something, when he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see Christine, the girl who inadvertently ruined his life.

 

“Michael, there you are! You left before I could talk to you about the project!” She said. Michael knew what this meant. She would probably pull him aside and tell him all about how you should never yell at the popular kids.

 

“Oh, right.” Michael rolled his eyes, and Christine pulled him into the hallway.

 

“Michael,” She said, in a low voice. Michael was surprised she even knew his name, though, “-do you want to talk?”

 

Michael scoffed, “Stop trying to be my friend, Christine.”

 

Christine frowned, “No, seriously, Michael. You aren’t taking your medicine, and you barely take showers. Everyone in this school is dumb, but even they can see that you are obviously not taking care of yourself.”

 

“First, I don’t take medicine. I smoke weed, medically. Second, why do you care?”

 

Christine looked him straight in the eye, “Because, Michael, I’ve been where you are.”

 

“And how is that?” Michael asked, with a sarcastic tone in his voice.

 

“You might not know this, but I’m also on the spectrum. So, I know a lot of what you’re going through.”

 

Michael sighed, “I know you want to help me, but I don’t want it. I’d rather just stay like this than fight again.”

 

Christine shook her head, “Michael, just let me help you.”

 

Michael backed up, and the bell rang, “I’m sorry.”

 

Michael put on his headphones, and slowly walked around the student’s rushing to class. Michael felt no motivation to go to the next class, so he just stopped in the middle of the hallway. The bell rang, and the last few students ran into class. Michael just stood in the hallway, like an emo kid, or a cover for an album.

 

He wanted to go home. He wanted to sit on his couch, and play the games he hadn’t played for a long time. He wanted to continue smoking weed, just so the pain of his muscles could stop. But why should he? Why should he stop his suffering, because he felt like he deserved it. Why else would Jeremy leave? Why else would everyone forget him. Michael chuckled. He bet a million dollars that his parent’s contacted Christine to see if something was wrong. Michael swiftly turned around, and stared at the posters. He made his mind.

 

Michael took in the scenery of the hallway. He memorized every single nook and cranny, every graffitied poster, and locker there was to see. He did this as he walked out of the school. Then he memorized the parking lot, then the ride home. He thought of the front of his house when he walked in. He remembered the millions of times Jeremy practically lept into Michael’s arms when he opened the door.

 

There was no way to forget it. He had a good run. And by a good run, he meant his life was okay up to this point. Michael didn’t want to seem emo, or anything like that, but he felt like he was just no use to anyone at this point.

 

Michael sat in the bathroom, and searched the medicine cabinet. Both of his mothers were at work, and wouldn’t be back until five, so he would be alone for about six hours. He found the sleeping pills and sighed. At one point in his life, he swore he would never do this because people cared about him. Jeremy cared about him, and he didn’t want to make Jeremy sad.

 

Well, past Michael, Jeremy didn’t care anymore. Your parents did, but they only cared because you were their responsibility. Christine only cared because she was paid to do it, or felt pity. Michael legitimately convinced himself this, and opened the bottle, pouring all of the continents in his hand. He walked to his bedroom, water cup in hand, and was prepared to put on vine compilations to make him fall asleep faster.

 

Michael realized that death was incredibly drab as he swallowed the pills. He stared at his phone, and texted his mothers.

 

_ 12:43, To GC for me mums: Hey, love you guys a lot. I came home early, be sure to check on me when you come home bc i got to show you guys something _

 

Michael hated for them to find him dead when they came home, but he would hate for them to think he was asleep, and start smelling him, or something. He shuddered at the thought of them coming in and crying, and yelling. Michael hated yelling.

 

His finger lingered over the contact for Jeremy. Should he call him? Maybe leave a voicemail. Michael didn’t want to text him.

 

Michael pressed the call button, and it was immediately answered.

 

“Uh, Michael?” Jeremy asked.

 

Michael laughed, “God, you actually answered.”

 

Jeremy sighed, “Yeah, I…. _ accidentally  _ answered it. Why are you calling?”

 

Michael sighed, “To say goodbye. I left school, so….”

 

“Oh, you’re moving?” Jeremy asked.

 

Michael smiled, “Yeah. Out of New Jersey. Mom was thinking about it, and now we’re actually doing it.”

 

“Oh, well nice. Uh, goodbye, I guess.” Jeremy said.

 

Michael wiped his eyes, “Yeah. Goodbye. We had a good run, huh?”

 

Jeremy made an ‘uh-huh’ noise, and Michael knew he wasn’t taking it seriously.

 

Michael sighed, “I just wanted to say that, uh, I love you. Bye.” Michael hung up, and put on a vine compilation. He felt his eyelids get heavy, and peacefully fell asleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> whoooooo  
> well,  
> should i continue this???


End file.
